Suicide is a topic that often makes people uncomfortable. Suicide most times is preventable and not inevitable. Many people are fearful that talking about it will only lead to an attempt. The opposite is true: experts say that asking someone how they are doing when they appear out of sorts can open a line of communication that may lead to eventually talking about suicidal thoughts.
There were 1.6 million suicide attempts in 2022, 13.2 million Americans seriously thought about suicide, according to data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). More than 49,000 people died by suicide in 2022. Which means a conversation with someone could make a big difference. Suicide is preventable, and everyone has a role to play.
Whether it's people you know or those you don't know very well, asking them how they are doing if they appear different than usual may be helpful, as it lets them know you are willing to listen. Being truly concerned and not just asking for appearance's sake can open a dialogue that may lead to a better understanding as to what is going on in their lives.
How to talk to someone about their feelings
Open the conversation by saying you’re concerned about them. Ask them questions to understand their risk of suicide, while being calm and genuine. Here are examples of conversation starters:
- Has there been a recent change in your life? How are you coping with what’s been happening?
- Do you ever feel like just giving up?
- Are you thinking about dying?
- Are you thinking about hurting yourself? Are you thinking about suicide?
- Have you thought about how or when you’d do it?
- Have you ever thought about suicide before, or tried to harm yourself before?
- Do you have access to weapons or things that can be used as weapons to harm yourself?
If you feel the person is in immediate danger, don’t leave them alone and stay with them until they are safe and you get help – either by calling 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. In many communities there are local mobile crisis teams that can come to where you are with trained professionals on site that can assess the situation immediately. There also may be crisis stabilization programs in the community that you can walk into to receive immediate attention.
How to talk about suicide with children and teens
Often, we learn about people who have completed suicide through the news. Whether it’s a celebrity or an individual we know personally who has taken their own life, the news is often shocking and hard to process. Our brains spiral through questions of “why?” But everyone has their own inner fears and thoughts, and it can be impossible to understand what others are fully going through internally.
For individuals ages 10-34 years old, suicide was the second leading cause of death in 2022. This means for older children and young adults, it’s likely that they’ll encounter someone in their school or friend group that successfully completes suicide – which makes it even more important for parents and caregivers to talk about suicide with their children.
Here are tips on how to talk about suicide with children:
- Very young children: Tell them someone died and that they were very ill.
- Ages seven to 10: Use short statements. Don’t shy away from the truth and wait for any follow-up questions. Approach the conversation the same way you would if someone had a physical illness.
- Ages 11 to 14: Start the conversation with questions to find out what they know about suicide and correct any misinformation. Talk to them about warning signs, suicidal thoughts and if their friends have talked about it.
- High school age: Speak to them about suicide the same way you would speak to an adult. Assure them that it’s ok if they have mental health problems. Talk to them about what they would do if they or one of their friends had suicidal thoughts.
Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan and Blue Care Network can help members find an in-network mental health professional by calling behavioral health access lines listed below:
PPO: Behavioral Health Access Line | 1-800-762-2382
A free and confidential resource that’s just a call away when you need immediate support. Behavioral health professionals answer, 24/7.
HMO: Behavioral Health Access Line | 1-800-482-5982
Connect with a behavioral health clinician if you need help finding a mental health or substance use provider.
Behavioral health clinicians are available for routine assistance from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday through Friday. For urgent concerns after hours, clinicians are also available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Learn more about mental health and options you have as a member to seek help at bcbsm.com/mentalhealth.
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