How to Tell if Your Child is a Bully
Dr. Kristyn Gregory
| 3 min read
Dr. Kristyn Gregory, D.O., is a medical director of ...
By: Dr. Kristyn Gregory, D.O., is the medical director of behavioral health at Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan.
About 1 in 5 high school students experience bullying.
Both children who bully and those who experience bullying can experience serious mental health and behavioral problems.
Bullying is repeated, unwanted aggressive physical or verbal behavior by one child to another, often involving a power imbalance. Victims of bullying can experience increased risk of anxiety, depression, lower academic performance, emotional distress, injury and death. Kids who bully are at increased risk of academic problems, violence and substance abuse in both adolescence and adulthood.
Warning signs a child is a bully
While it can be difficult and painful to learn a child is bullying, it’s important for parents to recognize the signs of children who are bullying others. Warning signs of bullying include:
- Aggressive behavior toward parents and adults
- Need to control
- Easily frustrated and impulsive
- Breaks rules and tests boundaries
- Enjoys violence
- Shows limited empathy toward children who are bullied
There are many factors that can lead children to bully others. Children and teens who bully may have:
- Been bullied themselves
- Have experienced exclusion
- Have feelings of insecurity
- Do not have coping skills to deal with difficult emotions
- Come from a home of violence, abuse or emotional neglect
What to do if a child is bullying others
Parents who find out their children are bullying should take the information seriously. Listen to what the teachers, fellow parents or children say without being defensive or judgmental. If parents are learning of this from a teacher or school staff member, ask if the child is experiencing academic or social challenges at school. Teachers may give perspective and advice on behavioral problems.
Share with the child what others have said about their behavior and explain what bullying is and how it can hurt others. Whether its teasing, name-calling, cyberbullying or hitting, the actions are not acceptable. Give the child consequences that help them learn from the situation, such as reading about bullying or creating a story about the impact of bullying.
Parents or guardians can talk to their children about what the child is experiencing, if they are struggling and together discuss how to change their behavior. Adults can also consider whether any factors at home or school are contributing to their child feeling lonely, distressed or angry. If the child has difficulty making friends or feel insecure, help them find ways to become involved with a group or work on their self-esteem.
During the following weeks and months, continue to check in with the child and discuss how they feel, empathy toward other people and what it feels like to be bullied. Also continue to communicate with teachers, school officials or fellow parents to coordinate a response to the situation and check for progress.
This may also be an opportunity to teach the child about apologizing. A good apology includes expressing regret, explaining what happened, accepting responsibility and offering to repair. Repair could include fixing or replacing any damaged property or providing help to the child they bullied.
Parents may also consider talking to the child’s health care provider or seeking professional behavioral help with a counselor or therapist to look for emotional problems and solutions.
Dr. Kristyn Gregory, D.O., is the medical director of behavioral health at Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan. For more health tips and information, visit MIBlueDaily.com.
Image: Getty Images
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